just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
