I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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