I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
