I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
