i think my mom watched the whole time
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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