I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
