fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
