i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
