just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
