So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize