I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
