It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
