Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
