cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
