dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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