So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
