a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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