when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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