It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
