Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
