By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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