hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
