wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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