like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
