We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
