dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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