wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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