So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
