I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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