we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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