he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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