even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
