No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
