hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
