So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
