brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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