They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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