fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
