it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
