I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
