I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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