Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
