one might say we're banned from that church
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
