You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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