i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
