We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
