So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
