i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
