She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize