Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
