And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
