so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
