I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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