Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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