hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
