bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
