Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
