Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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