nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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