Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
