And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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