there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Welp...herpes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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