I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
