Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
