Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
