so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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