I cannot find my penis.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
