im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
