Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The uberlube is also flammable
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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