I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
