Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
