Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
