dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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