I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
